How to Heal From Shame — What It Is, Where It Lives and How Yoga Helps

There is a conversation I have been wanting to have on this podcast for a long time.

Not because it's comfortable. But because it's necessary.

Because in 17 years of working with women — in therapy rooms, on yoga mats, in group containers and one on one — I have never met a woman who doesn't carry some version of shame.

Not one.

And yet it remains one of the least talked about, most misunderstood and most pervasive experiences in women's lives.

So I called in Christy Bonner.

Christy is a licensed marriage and family therapist, certified Enneagram teacher, 500-hour yoga teacher, TEDx speaker and author of *Freedom from Shame.* She is also a woman who has done her own deep work — and is willing to say so out loud.

In this episode of The Nourished Woman Podcast we went deep on what shame actually is, how it lives in the body, how yoga uniquely helps heal it and what freedom from shame actually looks and feels like.

​

What shame actually is — and how it differs from guilt.

One of the most clarifying moments in this conversation came early — the distinction between shame and guilt.

Most women use these words interchangeably. But they are completely different experiences with completely different impacts on your healing.

Guilt says — I did something that feels out of alignment with my core values. I want to do it differently.

Shame says — I am bad. I am not good enough. I am fundamentally flawed.

Guilt, when it's healthy, moves you forward. It's information. It points you toward something you want to change.

Shame immobilizes. It tells you that you yourself are the problem — not something you did, but who you are. And when you believe that story about yourself deeply enough, it stops you from showing up, taking up space, asking for what you need or trusting that you deserve to be loved as you are.

Understanding this difference is one of the most liberating things a woman can do. Because suddenly all those years of *I'm not enough* start to look less like truth and more like a wound that can be healed.

​Where shame comes from

Christy shared something from her own story that I think will resonate deeply with many of the women reading this.

She grew up in a home where her father struggled with alcoholism. The chaos, the unpredictability, the messiness of her family life became a source of deep shame for her as a child. Her sense of worth became tangled up in her family's struggles — as if their imperfection meant she was imperfect too.

So she compensated. She kept the house clean. She was responsible. She was the good child. She tried to make everything look okay from the outside so that nobody would see the truth of what was happening inside.

Sound familiar?

This is how shame works. It takes root in childhood — in the environments we grew up in, the messages we received about our bodies, our worth, our belonging — and it shapes how we show up in the world for decades afterward.

Sometimes it shows up as perfectionism. Sometimes as people pleasing. Sometimes as chronic overachieving. Sometimes as an inability to rest or receive or let people truly see you.

And sometimes — as Christy so beautifully named — it shows up as leaving your body entirely.

Shame lives in the body — not just the mind
This is the piece that most conventional approaches to shame healing miss entirely.

Christy said something in our conversation that rings SO true: Healing shame is ultimately about coming home to your body — because shame disconnected you from it.

When shame takes root — especially early, especially from trauma, abuse or environments where your worth was constantly in question — the body learns to protect itself by leaving. Dissociation. Numbness. Hypervigilance. Chronic tension. An eating disorder. A persistent sense of being a stranger in your own skin.

This is not a character flaw. It is a survival response.

Your body did exactly what it needed to do to keep you safe.

But here is the thing about healing — you cannot think your way back into your body. You cannot analyze your shame away. You cannot journal yourself into embodiment.

At some point the body has to be part of the healing.

Which is exactly where yoga comes in.

How yoga heals shame
Yoga is uniquely positioned to heal shame in ways that talk therapy alone simply cannot reach — and Christy and I explored this at length.

Here is what yoga offers that nothing else quite replicates:
Compassionate self-observation.
On the yoga mat you practice noticing yourself — your thoughts, your patterns, your reactions — without judgment. Christy described this beautifully. When she catches herself trying to perfect her tree pose, wanting to be seen getting it right, she can smile and say *oh — there's that part again.* Not with criticism. With curiosity.

This is revolutionary for a woman who has spent years judging herself harshly. Yoga teaches you to observe without condemning. And that practice on the mat slowly — steadily — becomes a practice in life.

Returning to the body as a safe place.
For women who have experienced trauma, abuse or deep shame — the body can feel like an unsafe place to inhabit. Yoga creates the conditions for the body to slowly, gently remember what safety feels like from the inside. Not forced. Not rushed. Just an incremental, devoted return.

Working all four pillars simultaneously.
This is what I talk about constantly in my own work — yoga addresses the body, the mind, the spirit and the life all at once. Talk therapy primarily addresses the mind. Yoga gets underneath the story, into the nervous system, into the breath, into the places where shame has been quietly living for years.

Telling your story.
Christy and experts like Brene Brown are clear about this — shame loves secrecy. It thrives in the dark. One of the most powerful antidotes to shame is telling your truth to safe people. And the yoga space — when it is genuinely held, genuinely therapeutic — can become exactly that. A place where you are witnessed and held in your full humanity.

What freedom from shame actually feels like

Near the end of our conversation Christy and I both described what it feels like to have done this work. Not to be finished — neither of us claimed that. But to be freer.

For Christy it looked like taking up more space. Getting on social media. Using her voice. Letting herself be seen beyond the quiet, helpful, behind-the-scenes presence she had hidden behind for years.

For me it has looked like becoming more audacious, more bold, more unapologetically myself. Having a hell of a lot more fun. Letting pleasure and people in.

And most importantly — being able to meet shame when it rises with a sense of I know you. You are not the boss of me. Rather than being consumed by it.

Healing isn't a mountain you summit. It's a circle you revisit and dance your way through.

And every time you come back — you come back with more grace, more tools, more capacity to find your way home faster.

Listen to the full episode
This conversation is 90 minutes of two women going deep on the things most people are still afraid to say out loud.

If you have ever wondered what shame actually is, why you can't seem to think your way out of it, how yoga helps in ways therapy alone doesn't — or how to find your way back to yourself after years of disconnection — this episode is for you.

Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or watch on YouTube.

Ready to feel it shift in your body — not just your mind?
I made you a free 10-minute somatic yoga practice called Come Home to Your Body.

It's your first taste of what this work actually feels like from the inside. Not more understanding. More feeling. More freedom.

Grab the free practice here -> https://kerimarino.eo.page/comehome

About Christy Bonner
Christy Bonner is a licensed marriage and family therapist, certified Enneagram teacher, 500-hour yoga teacher, TEDx speaker and author of "Freedom from Shame," based in Chattanooga, TN. 
Find her at www.mindbodyandspirit.com and follow her on Instagram @enneagram.yoga

Keri Marino is a Somatic Yoga Therapist for Women and the founder of The Nourished Woman. With 16 years of experience guiding thousands of women, her work blends somatic yoga therapy, nervous system healing and devotional spiritual practice to help self-aware women who have "done the work" finally feel confident, connected and at home in your body.

​Through restorative yoga, meditation and compassionate inner work Keri helps women move from insight to embodiment - so the healing and wisdom you've gained can actually show up in your real life. 

Based in Greenville, SC with offerings in person and online. ​